


Since lion vile hath here deflour'd my dear

by ThorinOakenshield (Jensensational)



Series: the Barista and the Lawyer [3]
Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Flour fight, Food Fight, Gen, Implied Incest, Innuendo, M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-21
Updated: 2013-03-21
Packaged: 2017-12-05 23:50:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/729292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jensensational/pseuds/ThorinOakenshield
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had started with a simple joke about deFLOUR-ing one another. Somehow it turned into an all out battle involving almost every bag of flour in the cafe.</p>
<p>[Also known as the Flour Incident]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Since lion vile hath here deflour'd my dear

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is, the **Flour Incident** from my fic ["A Pinch of Cinnamon"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/599868/chapters/1081971).
> 
> The title is an altered form of the quote "Since lion vile hath here deflower'd my dear" from Act 5 Scene 1 of Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Eve"

_Bilbo thanked the two brothers before hurrying out the door, moving as fast as he could so the drinks wouldn’t be cold by the time he got there._

_“You think uncle really wanted the drinks or do you think it’s Gandalf up to his old tricks again?” Kili asked, trying once again to get the flour off._

_“I’d bet it’s just Gandalf being Gandalf,” Fili replied with a smirk, “Kili, would you like for me to de- **flour**  you?” Kili laughed at that, before smacking Fili’s arm playfully, leaving a white handprint on his sleeve._

_“Perhaps I should de- **flour**  you, Fili.”_

_“We could just de- **flour**  one another.” The pair erupted into a fit of laughter at that, gripping one another for support while they tried to pull themselves together._

_  
_

* * *

 

Somehow, Fili and Kili had managed to calm down and get back to work. Though, every once in a while one of the boys would start to giggle and then immediately try to stop himself from bursting into laughter again.  It was difficult to be sure, especially considering the pair loved to laugh. 

"How do you think Bilbo is doing?" Kili asked, wiping his hands on his apron.

"I don't know. He's not back yet so he either got lost or he and uncle are up to something," Fili replied, waggling his eyebrows at his brother.

"Why Fili, if I didn't know better I'd think you were trying to imply something," Kili said, feigning shock.

"Perhaps I am implying something," Fili said as he stepped closer to Kili, making the tips of their noses touch.

"Oh Fili." 

"You know," Fili said with a smirk, "My offer to de- _flour_ you still stands."

"Would you be gentle?" Kili teased as he took a step back to continued working.

"At first, unless you want me to be rough."

"Mmm. Considering that this is my first time, being de-floured and all, I think gentle may be better."

The pair laughed at that as Fili turned to walk into the kitchen. He apparently missed the pile of flour Kili had swept up on the floor and instead slipped on it, falling face forward on to the ground. Fili let out a slight groan of pain as he moved to get up. He noticed that Kili's eyes were wide and he raised a brow in question causing the younger male to giggle.

"What's so funny?"

"Here you are talking about de-flouring me when you, apparently, need to be de-floured yourself!" Kili said with a loud laugh as Fili looked down and noticed that by slipping he had gotten flour all over himself. Fili managed to get up, while Kili laughed like a hyena in the background, and made his way over to one of the containers of flour in the kitchen. He grabbed it and headed back to Kili, who was suddenly silent and eyeing Fili. Fili smiled before reaching his hand in, grabbing a handful of powder, and throwing it at Kili. Kili gasped as the flour hit him in the face. His eyes widened as he stared at Fili. 

"Oops," Fili said with a chuckle. Kili scoffed at that before walking up to Fili and sticking his hand in the flour container. He copied his brother's move of throwing it and Fili glared at Kili in return.

"Oh, it's on now, brother!" Fili shouted as he threw more flour at the other male. Kili ran off to get some ammunition of his own and ducked for cover as Fili rounded the corner and tossed more flour at him.

"You'll never take me alive!" Kili screamed as he retaliated with some throws of his own. The duo fought their way to the register, and froze for a moment when they saw a customer standing there staring at them. 

"Um, hello. Welcome to Lone Mountain Coffee," Fili said, "What can I get for you?"

"Perhaps...Perhaps I should come back later?" The customer asked, watching as Kili snuck up behind Fili and then proceeded to dump a whole bag of flour over his brother's head. 

"That might be wise," Fili said before turning sharply and tackling Kili to the ground. 

"YOU LOOK LIKE AN ALBINO LION!" Kili said loudly with a booming laugh. 

"Yeah well this albino lion is going to fucking murder you!" Fili shouted as he grabbed the container he had been using and dumped it on Kili. 

"FILI!" Kili shouted in annoyance as he tried to shove his brother off of him. He eventually managed to get away from Fili and somehow that had caused their fight to escalate. Fili knew that the fight should have stopped ages ago; but as he was hit by another handful of flour, he realized he didn't really care. It was only when they noticed there was a single bag of flour left that they stopped. 

The pair looked around, eyes wide, as they took in the collateral damage of their fight. Bilbo was going to strangle them. Their eyes widened further when the pair realized that Dwalin was due into work in an hour and that if he saw the state of the cafe, he'd murder them. 

"What do we do?" Kili asked.

"Call uncle and tell him to send Bilbo back. We need this place cleaned."

"It's a shame really," Kili said as he walked over to Fili and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"What is?"

"That we have to clean," Kili said, "I was so looking forward to de-flouring you."

**Author's Note:**

> The lovely [Mius](http://miusart.tumblr.com) has made fanart of this moment:  
> 


End file.
